500 Words or Less….
From the moment I rise to the moment my head hits the pillow and I descend into rest, I feel exhausted. It does not matter if I take a nap, get refreshed midday, or eat well. I was starting to believe something is up, what is wrong with me? Then I scrolled down my timeline on social media. After a few rolls of the finger up, I close the app shoulder slumped with my head slightly bowed. I realized then the exhaust of being reminded constantly what state our world is in drains me.
How do we stay abreast of all that is happening in the world, show concern for the multiple crises happening simultaneously, while taking in all culturally relevant events? The reality is that we are not equipped to handle so much in such a quick amount of time. I feel overstimulated, depressed, and trauma saturates each element of my life. How do I find balance? Where do I gain the will to live over the feeling of utter despair?
I thought back to the times of the pandemic, when we were all knee deep in lockdown. There were so many things that were uncertain. It was pointless to wallow deep into despair. I instead went on long walks, connecting with nature and honed my skills of walking meditation. I expanded this practice by intentionally going on walks to be present in nature. Experiencing the sights, sounds, colors, and textures around me fully allowed me to stay present with all the feelings that came with the pandemic. There were days I was more anxious, or grieving the plans that had to be on hold. Each walk gave me a chance to tap into my faith beyond fear, each step became an invitation to dream beyond hopelessness. Some days the walk held space for the big feelings of unsure energy.
I believe I am tired because the world around me is changing. There are active killings, meaningless wars, famine and persecution of the innocent. I hold space for the pain this is causing. I take each step with hope, believing that the new way of being will usher less of the crisis. Regulating my feelings while holding space empathetically for others is not a clear science. It takes time to get back in tune. I also realized I have the tools necessary to move forward in a productive way. Leaning into being present, I tap into the lessons of nature with each walk. It is ok to be present in this world but not take on the problems of the world. I am learning compassion for all that is happening while giving myself grace and time to understand a new way to move forward.
